My cousin, HK, has been visiting from Korea and living with my parents since late September. Her plan is to stay for a year and learn English, she would like to return to Korea and get a better paying job with her newly acquired English skills. She is 27 years old and is attending classes to learn English and waitressing part-time in a Korean restaurant. I guess technically she is my second cousin, her mother is my first cousin and my Dad is her great-uncle.
She is very sweet and nice. So it rather unfortunate that she has to stay with my parents, well, to tell the truth, it's been very difficult for her because she has to put up with my mother. My mother has emotional and mental health issues. She has been seeing psychiatrists off and on for years, but since her Korean psychiatrist moved his practice to Vancouver five years ago, she hasn't been to see a counsellor or get the help she needs. My mother has an explosive and unreasonable temper. Anything and everything can set her off and she will yell and scream and argue for hours and days on end. To make things a little easier, M. and I have asked HK to stay with us on weekends so she can get a bit of a break from my Mom.
This past weekend was the first weekend visit, she came on Friday night and left Sunday morning. My husband, HK and I watched Ocean's 13 on Friday night and we would stop the movie every once in a while and I would make sure she was up to speed on the plot, etc., she seemed to enjoy it. On Saturday, after dropping BoyChild off at his playdate, HK, GirlChild and I went window shopping and GirlChild bought a Christmas present for her brother. On Saturday night, she had to work on a school assignment, and I took the kids to their friend's birthday party.
Having her visit is great for the kids and for me. Having HK around forces me to speak more Korean and I'm hoping it will improve my pronunciation and vocabulary. The kids are also practising the few Korean words that they know and since they hear me talking with HK, I noticed that they were asking me how to say certain words in Korean, which I thought was wonderful and I really encouraged them to practise their phrases and words.
I wish my relationship with my Mom was more positive so my kids and I could speak Korean on a more regular basis. Unfortunately due to the volatile nature of my mother's personality I usually keep the visits with my parents short and we usually only see them on birthdays or holildays. In the summer time the kids were staying with them two days a week and that was perfect, my Mom is usually pretty good with them and is usually able to keep her temper in check with them. When I am around, she ends up complaining about my Dad(usually when he is sitting there) and she says horrible and awful things about him. I try to keep calm and let her know I'm not interested in hearing her bash my Dad, but if she is on a roll, she just keeps on ranting and getting herself upset.
M. is really great about my family, especially my Mom. There have been many times when my Mom has said or done something particularly cruel or outrageous and my reaction has been to state that I wanted to cut my Mom out of my life. M. is the voice of reason. He always manages to calm me down and I know deep down I could never just walk away without suffering a huge amount of guilt. So when my Mom makes any type of negative comment about M., I am always very quick to defend him because I know he is amazing and it makes me so mad that she could ever say anything bad about him when he never criticizes her. When my parents first told me about my cousin coming to stay I already knew that problems would arise, it was inevitable. So M. and I discussed it and we knew that if things got to be really bad for HK we would offer her the option of living with us. I know I am extremely lucky to have such a wonderful and understanding husband who puts up with my crazy family.
For the time being my cousin said that she is fine with staying with my parents during the week and she will stay with us on weekends. She is very sweet, when I let her know that she was welcome to live with us if things got too awful with my Mom. Her response was that she gets very worried when my mother yells and gets so upset as she knows my mother's health isn't very good and she isn't supposed to get upset. I told her that my mother has choices about whether she can stay calm or fly into a rage and unfortunately there is not a lot we can do about it, other than not get sucked into arguing with her, which only makes her more upset.
I'm hoping we can make her stay in Canada a positive one, she is thousands of miles from home, we are her only family. She doesn't have a social life as she is so busy working and studying and living with senior citizens who don't get out much. M. and I have asked her to make a list of places she would like to visit or things she would like to do and we let her know we are happy to do things with her. Please keep your fingers crossed that things work out for all of us.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
It's All About Me
Mamazilla has tagged me for the Eight Random Things About Me meme that's been going around. This was fun to do, thank you very much Mamazilla for tagging me!
Rules:Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they've been tagged.
1. I was born in Dinslaken, Germany. My parents met and married in Germany, they were there on a Korean study/work training program. They were rebels because they were not supposed to get married while in Germany, let alone have children (my older sister was also born there)
2. My sister and I were sent to live with my maternal grandparents in Korea while my parents immigrated to Canada. They thought it would be best if they could just concentrate on working and save money. We were originally supposed to live in Korea for five years but my parents missed us so much that after two and a half years we were reunited with them. I can't even imagine sending my own children half way across the world when they were infants. I was only a few months old and my sister was not even two years old. My father still talks about how for the first little while I would always tell him "Choli ka ujushi", which in rough translation means "go away mister" when he would try and hug me. He teases me about it sometimes, but I know it was extremely painful for him to be separated from us, my father is a truly soft hearted man. My mother rarely speaks about the separation, it is just too painful.
3. Growing up my sister and I were usually the only Asian students in school. Therefore, I did my best to reject my Korean identity, by not speaking Korean to my parents, learning how to cook Western food so I didn't always have to eat Korean food. It was only when I went to a high school program which was sponsored by a local Korean organization, I actually got to meet other Korean students my age who were not all geeks. It really made me proud to be Korean. I tried to get involved in Korean groups in university, but the cliques were already formed so it was tough making friends.
4. I was a real bitch to my then boyfriend just before he proposed. Yeah, I know, not one of my stellar moments. He had planned for us to go to the Beaches area in Toronto for a picnic lunch. My first clue that something was up should have been the fact that he had actually made a lunch and packed it all by himself. He had tried to borrow his best friend's car so we could drive instead of taking the streetcar but his friend was too crazy about his car to let him drive it. We still tease his friend about this fact and he does feel guilty that he was too obsessive about his car to let his best friend use it. Well, so there we are on a very, very hot July day on a crowded streetcar. When we get to the beach my boyfriend announces that he wants us to go and sit on one of the huge rocks that are just on the water's edge. I try and talk him out of this as I'm already hot and tired and did I mention that the sand was a million degrees. Well, he keeps on asking me to walk over to the rocks, so I do....but then, the sand, which by now is 2 million degrees is getting into my sandals and did I mention how much I hate having sand in my shoes....so I'm complaining and whining and being just completely miserable and acting like a whiny two year old. So my boyfriend sets everything up, he had brought cheese and crackers and instead of wine or champagne (both of which make me feel ill) he had brought my favorite, orange pop, and wineglasses, so very sweet and thoughtful. By this time, I'm starting to be in a better mood. While I'm looking at the water and the view I turn around and M. has a box out and is starting to talk about "I love you...blah, blah..." meanwhile I'm just looking at the gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring .... meanwhile M. is still talking "would you marry me" or words to that effect. I know it sounds really corny but time stood still and I just burst out crying and couldn't say a word. I was sobbing and so overcome with emotion, however, I did manage to blurt out "yes" and just kept crying.
5. I cannot swim. I nearly drowned when I was about six or seven. My parents dragged me to swim lessons but I would barely put my head in the water. I now feel much more comfortable in the water and I can float and do the doggie paddle. I know I should take lessons but always talk myself out of doing it. I know that's why I made a point of taking my kids to swim lessons, my daughter is an excellent swimmer and BoyChild also loves the water and is doing well in his lessons.
6. Considering I am a klutz and completely uncoordinated, it's amazing that I've only broken one bone in my body. The baby finger on my left hand. I was playing volleyball with my Dad and I fell on my hand, ouch!
7. I am extremely afraid of mice, rodents and most other rodent type creature, even hamsters and gerbils make me shake. I remember reading the passage in the novel "1984" when Winston is being tortured with rats, yes, that is also my nightmare scenario.
8. I much prefer to cook rather than bake. I think because baking requires precise measurements. I like experimenting with recipes and just throwing things into the pot to see what happens.
Now, I'm tagging the following people: The Lotus Life, Snickollet, Diapers, Budgets and Paint, Bokumbop, Halfmama, Tumble Dry, Kitchen Fire.... sorry, I only have seven, not eight....I know I'm such a rebel ;-)
Rules:Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they've been tagged.
1. I was born in Dinslaken, Germany. My parents met and married in Germany, they were there on a Korean study/work training program. They were rebels because they were not supposed to get married while in Germany, let alone have children (my older sister was also born there)
2. My sister and I were sent to live with my maternal grandparents in Korea while my parents immigrated to Canada. They thought it would be best if they could just concentrate on working and save money. We were originally supposed to live in Korea for five years but my parents missed us so much that after two and a half years we were reunited with them. I can't even imagine sending my own children half way across the world when they were infants. I was only a few months old and my sister was not even two years old. My father still talks about how for the first little while I would always tell him "Choli ka ujushi", which in rough translation means "go away mister" when he would try and hug me. He teases me about it sometimes, but I know it was extremely painful for him to be separated from us, my father is a truly soft hearted man. My mother rarely speaks about the separation, it is just too painful.
3. Growing up my sister and I were usually the only Asian students in school. Therefore, I did my best to reject my Korean identity, by not speaking Korean to my parents, learning how to cook Western food so I didn't always have to eat Korean food. It was only when I went to a high school program which was sponsored by a local Korean organization, I actually got to meet other Korean students my age who were not all geeks. It really made me proud to be Korean. I tried to get involved in Korean groups in university, but the cliques were already formed so it was tough making friends.
4. I was a real bitch to my then boyfriend just before he proposed. Yeah, I know, not one of my stellar moments. He had planned for us to go to the Beaches area in Toronto for a picnic lunch. My first clue that something was up should have been the fact that he had actually made a lunch and packed it all by himself. He had tried to borrow his best friend's car so we could drive instead of taking the streetcar but his friend was too crazy about his car to let him drive it. We still tease his friend about this fact and he does feel guilty that he was too obsessive about his car to let his best friend use it. Well, so there we are on a very, very hot July day on a crowded streetcar. When we get to the beach my boyfriend announces that he wants us to go and sit on one of the huge rocks that are just on the water's edge. I try and talk him out of this as I'm already hot and tired and did I mention that the sand was a million degrees. Well, he keeps on asking me to walk over to the rocks, so I do....but then, the sand, which by now is 2 million degrees is getting into my sandals and did I mention how much I hate having sand in my shoes....so I'm complaining and whining and being just completely miserable and acting like a whiny two year old. So my boyfriend sets everything up, he had brought cheese and crackers and instead of wine or champagne (both of which make me feel ill) he had brought my favorite, orange pop, and wineglasses, so very sweet and thoughtful. By this time, I'm starting to be in a better mood. While I'm looking at the water and the view I turn around and M. has a box out and is starting to talk about "I love you...blah, blah..." meanwhile I'm just looking at the gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring .... meanwhile M. is still talking "would you marry me" or words to that effect. I know it sounds really corny but time stood still and I just burst out crying and couldn't say a word. I was sobbing and so overcome with emotion, however, I did manage to blurt out "yes" and just kept crying.
5. I cannot swim. I nearly drowned when I was about six or seven. My parents dragged me to swim lessons but I would barely put my head in the water. I now feel much more comfortable in the water and I can float and do the doggie paddle. I know I should take lessons but always talk myself out of doing it. I know that's why I made a point of taking my kids to swim lessons, my daughter is an excellent swimmer and BoyChild also loves the water and is doing well in his lessons.
6. Considering I am a klutz and completely uncoordinated, it's amazing that I've only broken one bone in my body. The baby finger on my left hand. I was playing volleyball with my Dad and I fell on my hand, ouch!
7. I am extremely afraid of mice, rodents and most other rodent type creature, even hamsters and gerbils make me shake. I remember reading the passage in the novel "1984" when Winston is being tortured with rats, yes, that is also my nightmare scenario.
8. I much prefer to cook rather than bake. I think because baking requires precise measurements. I like experimenting with recipes and just throwing things into the pot to see what happens.
Now, I'm tagging the following people: The Lotus Life, Snickollet, Diapers, Budgets and Paint, Bokumbop, Halfmama, Tumble Dry, Kitchen Fire.... sorry, I only have seven, not eight....I know I'm such a rebel ;-)
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
What to say...
I am the ultimate procrastinator. I thought I would go back to blogging in September, then before you know it, here it is November, but I am back...I think. While I've been away I've been visiting some other blogs, places where people are so honest and the writing is wonderful to read. I guess I've been feeling inadequate, why should I bother to blog, my life isn't full of earth shattering revelations or fascinating events, would it really matter. I guess I came to realize the blog should not be about what others think about it, it should just be for me and an outlet for me to express my thoughts and experiences....and hopefully connect to other people and get their viewpoints.
GirlChild celebrated her 10th birthday recently....I can't believe I'm actually writing that. Where did the time go. She is a very sweet, affectionate, stubborn, passionate, intelligent, funny, sensitive and amazing girl and she constantly amazes me with her insight and outlook on life. She loves to annoy and tease her little brother, and she also loves to read him stories and play games with him. She is a voracious reader and we always have to tell "lights out, please put the book away", she reminds me of myself, I would always love to lose myself in stories and my imagination, I am so grateful that she has a passion for reading and loves some of the same books I did as a child.
BoyChild is six. He has started Grade One and it's been a bit of a rocky start. He doesn't like change or transitions and having to stay at school for the whole day was tough on him. He is adjusting to the rules and the temperament of a new teacher...more about her in another post. He is a sweet, affectionate, stubborn, passionate, bright, funny, wilfull little boy. He loves to run, jump, climb, throw a ball, play with his tanks and soldiers, his sword and his Star Wars men. He loves playing with his friends and is extremely sociable. He is our little Mr. Grumpy, especially in the mornings, thank God his father takes care of the morning routine and taking them to school, he has to put up with the whining and temper tantrums.
I'm slowly trying to find time for myself and giving myself permission to not be "SuperMom". Today I even took the day off from work and went to the spa and had a massage....it was heavenly. I was just able to lie there and just relax and not feel an ounce of guilt. I know I have to do things that are just for me...which means I have to start exercising and taking better care of myself. Yuck! I hate to exercise, did I mention that I am one of the most unathletic people in the world...I am extremely uncoordinated and was always picked last in gym class....oh, the horror...the horror! I've had a copy of the local gym schedule on the fridge since January....which is now probably useless and out of date. I thought I would try yoga, isn't that supposed to be rather low key and not too painful. I tried using a DVD, but I'm useless at doing it by myself, I need a friend or be in a class to keep myself motivated, so I guess I will actually have to go out in public and try not to hurt anyone else when I do the "downward dog", wish me luck!
GirlChild celebrated her 10th birthday recently....I can't believe I'm actually writing that. Where did the time go. She is a very sweet, affectionate, stubborn, passionate, intelligent, funny, sensitive and amazing girl and she constantly amazes me with her insight and outlook on life. She loves to annoy and tease her little brother, and she also loves to read him stories and play games with him. She is a voracious reader and we always have to tell "lights out, please put the book away", she reminds me of myself, I would always love to lose myself in stories and my imagination, I am so grateful that she has a passion for reading and loves some of the same books I did as a child.
BoyChild is six. He has started Grade One and it's been a bit of a rocky start. He doesn't like change or transitions and having to stay at school for the whole day was tough on him. He is adjusting to the rules and the temperament of a new teacher...more about her in another post. He is a sweet, affectionate, stubborn, passionate, bright, funny, wilfull little boy. He loves to run, jump, climb, throw a ball, play with his tanks and soldiers, his sword and his Star Wars men. He loves playing with his friends and is extremely sociable. He is our little Mr. Grumpy, especially in the mornings, thank God his father takes care of the morning routine and taking them to school, he has to put up with the whining and temper tantrums.
I'm slowly trying to find time for myself and giving myself permission to not be "SuperMom". Today I even took the day off from work and went to the spa and had a massage....it was heavenly. I was just able to lie there and just relax and not feel an ounce of guilt. I know I have to do things that are just for me...which means I have to start exercising and taking better care of myself. Yuck! I hate to exercise, did I mention that I am one of the most unathletic people in the world...I am extremely uncoordinated and was always picked last in gym class....oh, the horror...the horror! I've had a copy of the local gym schedule on the fridge since January....which is now probably useless and out of date. I thought I would try yoga, isn't that supposed to be rather low key and not too painful. I tried using a DVD, but I'm useless at doing it by myself, I need a friend or be in a class to keep myself motivated, so I guess I will actually have to go out in public and try not to hurt anyone else when I do the "downward dog", wish me luck!
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