Talking

I went out for coffee with a friend last night. We've known each other for over 9 years, we met when both our daughters were newborns and we were in a New Moms group. We kind of lost touch with one another when our daughters were between two and six and then spoke maybe once or twice a year and only recently reconnected through coffee dates. She also has 7 year old boy twins. It was really nice to talk to another Mom whose daughter is the same age and who also has sons who are similar in age to BoyChild. Most of my close friends have children who are younger than my own so though we can talk in general terms about our children's progress, their children aren't facing the same age related issues that my children are going through.

We were talking about our daughters and how we will be facing the issue of "The Talk". My husband and I are pretty open with our children. When they ask questions about their bodies we are honest and direct and give age appropriate responses. GirlChild has not asked any questions related to sex so I have asked her if she has any questions and I have also told her that if she ever does want to know something that I will be there to discuss it with her. Right now, I know she is embarrassed to ask anything and she has zero interest in boys, they are still icky, goofy and awful. She gave me a run down a few days ago on the developmental stages that boys go through. According to her:
Kindergarten-they are still fun
Grade One-they are okay
Grade Two-they're getting yucky
Grade Three-they're getting annoying
Grade Four-really yucky, gross and very annoying

Needless to say, her father is very pleased that boys are of no interest to her at this stage, he is very hopeful this lasts until she is 30. Who knows how long this stage will last. As I have been told by quite a few mothers and teachers that Grade Five is the watershed year. This is when boys and girls start to notice one another. Though of course there are exceptions to the rule. I know some of GirlChild's classmates have been having crushes on boys since Grade Three.

GirlChild is one of the youngest children in her class as she was born in November, so I always wonder if this factor will come into play in her social development in her tween years. I've always been rather anxious about GirlChild and her social development. She can be a bit of a loner and is quite comfortable on her own. However, when I have asked direct questions to all of her teachers over the years their responses are all the same, GirlChild is very popular and very well liked by all of her classmates. She gets along with everyone. I know I have to stop worrying so much. It's just that I was quite shy as a child(still am) and I guess I have a tendency to be overly protective.

This post has come way off topic it was originally intended to be rather light hearted and I wanted to discuss how nice it is to reconnect with a friend. In terms of "The Talk" I want my children to feel comfortable to ask questions and feel good about their bodies and about their sexuality. My parents rarely spoke about emotions or relationships and the topic of sex, the only time my mother mentioned it was when I was about 15 and her comment "Don't Do It", end of conversation, never discussed again. Yeah, it was so helpful and positive. Needless to say I guess anything I do or say will be better than my parents' silence or one word statement, so I can take small comfort in that fact, right?

I've taped three episodes of a great series that ran on The Learning Channel, it's called "My Life as a Child" Unfortunately, I didn't know about the series until it was half over. Basically they let 20 children videotape themselves and let them talk about their family life and their perspective on growing up. The children all range in age from 7-11 and the families are very diverse, a girl being raised by lesbian Moms, an African American girl adopted by a Caucasian single woman, a boy who has a strong feminine instinct and prefers to wear skirts and have long hair, a Muslim girl who recently immigrated from Turkey with her family. I thought it would be an excellent way to open a dialogue with GirlChild as she could see that there are so many diverse types of families in the world. Her world is rather limited especially since she goes to a Catholic school and all of her friends are Catholic. I worry that she is not being exposed to diverse cultures or religions, so I thought that this would be a good starting point for her to ask questions and see how wonderfully diverse and unique people can be. The series is awesome, they really let the children talk openly about their lives, the stories are achingly honest, vulnerable and emotional. I've been trying to see if I can get a DVD, but it doesn't seem to be available right now. I'm really excited about watching the series with GirlChild and finding out what she thinks and seeing where the discussions lead us.